why (i believe) we should all care about call of duty


a few weeks back a popular pop singer twerked and swung (on a wrecking ball) her way into the top news story of the week/month. global crisis’? government shut downs? important, sure, but what was up with miley cyrus and robin thicke? who knew that skimpy garb, a lot of tongue, and a demolition scene could work so well to create a media storm of epic proportions.

today a similar media/tech event is occurring. the reality is, however, it’s likely to get noticed only by those who purchase and play first person shooter video games or those who watch the tech business trends. a huge majority of us might miss it altogether. today, the new call of duty ghosts video game is released.

a year ago, halo 4 brought in $220M in it’s first day on the market. one month later call of duty: black ops 2 was released and made $500M in sales on day one. one month ago grand theft auto 5 was released and brought in a whopping $800M in 24 hours. even if you factor in the $265M spent on developing and promoting the game, grand theft auto 5’s first day sales are unbelievable. how much will be spent, today, on a game? some are guessing this may be the first time in history a video game will bring in $1B on day one. 

if you could raise $1,000,000,000 in a day what would you do with the profits?

while this dollar amount is staggering, it does nothing to address the number of hours which will be spent attempting to master the game in these first few days of release. in addition, games such as this are immersive and stick with players. long after they leave the screen, the game is still occupying important regions of players’ internal dialogue and thought. those who attempt to be counter cultural or who cannot afford to give in to the frenzy will spend plenty of emotional capitol consoling themselves (understandably...the social pressures are great). what will be sacrificed as a result of these realities?

a common response i get from colleagues and peers when they hear about my efforts to get people thinking about their tech use is, “i don’t know anything about all that and i’m glad. i’m perfectly happy to never text. i have zero interest in twitter or instagram or facebook. i’ve never seen a video game and i’m all good with that.” while i understand the desire to live according to one’s own callings and values i also believe that we are all impacted by western culture’s obsession with, dependence upon, and blind acceptance of new technologies. for those of us who are aunts, uncles, educators, therapists/physicians, neighbors, cultural commentators, religious leaders, or friends (basically...all of us) there is a high need for us to be aware of the waters within which our nieces, nephews, students, clients/patients, neighbors, readers, congregations, and friends are swimming.

more resources than i can imagine will be spent spreading the word that call of duty ghosts is THE way to spend your time, energy, and money. trailers have been made to appeal to every taste and demographic in an effort to help everyone feel curious (i’ve linked them below to help you see what i mean). we don’t, however, have to drink the kool aid. in simply acknowledging and educating ones’ self about the pressure (internal and external) that results from living in a world that is hyper connected, hyper entertained, and hyper about the “new new new,” we can be better responsive to what is going on in those around us. we may never feel tempted to lose ourselves in a game but plenty of those around us do face such temptation and could benefit greatly from loving folks who are willing to help them find pleasure, release, entertainment, and camaraderie in their embodied lives. even if we do choose to play, we can be aware of how much of our many resources we give to the game and how much we might want to reserve for other endeavors. we can hold ourselves accountable to having as many experiences in the real world as in the cyber world of game play and we can invite others into conversations that might help them do the same.

to be responsible global citizens i believe we must be engaging in conversations with each other. especially those others that are different from ourselves. our conversations are benefitted when they come from places of insight and knowledge, are moderated by empathy and respect, and initiated from love. i wish, today, for many such conversations which begin with call of duty and end with connection, shared thoughts and feelings, and love.

to see how the industry effectively markets to all demographics, check these out:

hip hop/rap trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUBcYogq-3M

experience and review


i am a person who loves to explore. i consider myself a collector of experiences. some people have albums of stamps or shelves of china tea cups. i have friends who collect rare musical instruments and others who have sunk hours and dollars into the taxidermy trophies that bedeck their walls. me? i gather memories and embodied times of feeling unbelievably alive, alone in a completely unknown-to-me place.

the treat i give myself when i travel to speak is a day or two in the nearest big city. i love to wander, completely anonymously, around such cities looking for opportunities to experience the “normal.” i have lingered in my booth at an amish buffet, soaking up as much about the culture as possible from my 18 year old, newly married, recently “church-joined” server. i have stumbled upon concerts by bands i’d never hear any other way. i have stumbled upon political rallies and participated in improv everywhere events. one time i took a red eye just to buy myself 9 hours to race through washington d.c., trying to see as much as i could without stopping to eat or sit.

i am always rewarded by these adventures. always. even when i don’t feel like i find much of note, i consistently encounter kind souls and am given opportunities to truly see people who might be missed in their own environments. i have learned that museum docents are eager to share what they love about their cities. they are often, actually, quite astute about suggesting thoughtful places of beauty and complexity to experience music, food, and creative spaces that no guide book may ever direct me to. i’ve come to know that the best, and most authentic, ethnic food can often be found by asking the service folks i encounter or the people of color that i meet on the street. parks offer fantastic opportunities to get the real feel of families in the area and coffee shops in the business district (the old ones that have been there forever, not the ones donned with mermaids on their crest) provide excellent insight into the energy of the city. 

recently i spent a couple of days in kansas city after a speaking gig in rural missouri. it was easy, in the small town i spoke in, to find where the locals ate. i simply drove through the small down town area and went in where all the cars were. i was rewarded with amazing food and fantastic conversation. in the big city, however, it isn’t often that straight forward. in light of this, i began my time in kansas city by visiting a restaurant that was highly reviewed online and that was far enough away from my hotel that i’d get a great overview of the city while i walked. seated and handed a menu, i did what i always do and asked my server to bring me what she thought i should have if i only had one shot at their food and was a vegetarian. immediately, i knew i had hit the jack pot. not only was this amazing woman working the floor that night but she also owned the restaurant. over the course of my meal sheri picked up on spoken and silent cues and ended up providing me with an itinerary of kansas city experiences i would have missed entirely if i would have used yelp as my only guide. she eschewed the highly rated vegetarian restaurants suggesting, instead, the oldest one in the city, citing i’d get a real feel of the culture by visiting this 20 year old establishment in the basement of the downtown unitarian church. she shared the history of the art museum and told me about the planes area in general. the next morning, prepped with her suggestions, i headed out to explore the city like a local. i spent hours in the amazing art museum (which i would have missed entirely had i relied on online suggestions for places to visit), stopped in at long established funky vintage shops, and ate at an indian restaurant that has ruined me, i fear forever, for samosas (more on that below).

before i left the restaurant i mentioned that i would be eternally glad that yelp had directed me to her and her fantastic establishment. by that point i was, quite literally, in tears, exhausted/exhilarated from the work of the days before and feeling gratitude for such a meaningful encounter and delectable meal. what followed surprised me. we launched into an involved discussion about online reviews and i found words for feelings i’ve had for quite some time.

gifts often come with curses. that which is helpful can often also hurt. ask anyone who’s particularly physically beautiful or brilliantly smart.  i feel this way about online reviews. sites which aggregate people’s opinions about public spaces, experiences, or people come with positives and negatives. they offer a fine place to find out general ideas about quality, ambiance, and experiences and yet, at their core, they are deeply personal and lack the standards we normally apply for judging accuracy and quality. the internet offers boundless opportunities to disregard such standards, providing easy access to limitless opinions about everything we encounter. never mind if the reviewer is knowledgable or particularly suited to comment upon that which she reviews. don’t bother checking references as to an author’s credentials or knowledge base, if it’s found on the “reviews” tab it must be reliable.

really?

we all know the tendency to want to plan ahead and make wise choices. we have, ourselves, or know someone who has, spent hours reading hints and tips about disneyland experiences in order to maximize a vacation. we pay attention to negative reviews and over-inflate the claims made in positive ones regarding places to stay and eat. there’s something powerful about knowing what to avoid and what to order and where all the “hip” reviewers are spending their time.

here’s the problem though: people who write reviews are just people who write reviews. it is not as though double blind, peer reviewed research has taken place in spaces such as yelp, trip advisor, or rate my professor.com. these are simply places within which personal bias and opinion reign supreme. reviews are written from emotionally charged experiences, positive or negative, and are frequently posted without editing even by those who post them. corrective experiences rarely get reflected later and, even if a reviewer does change their opinion, few take the time to remove old posts. someone suggesting avoidance of a restaurant because of their own terrible experience may be likely to have a terrible experience where ever they go. a student who posts an unfavorable review of a professor may do so to poison the pool of public opinion because of actions taken by the professor that the student simply didn’t like. a review that dishes on the ills of an establishment’s ambiance may be written by someone who only feels comfortable in rooms full of buzzing, overhead florescent lighting and free from all other commotion.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t believe that online reviews and the spaces that hold them are all bad. i am a firm believer that they can give some general ideas and jumping off points. they can even help clarify what kind of information might be helpful to collect before making choices about all manner of actions and experiences. they are not, however, sure fire paths to adventure, risk, experiences, or, even, quality. as much as they may exist for personal advice and direction, they also exist as receptacles of unfettered reactive opinion and, of this, we must be aware.

when my fabulous kansas city server, sheri, and i began speaking about reviews, she made a great point. “when we come to the table, after a guest has taken a few bites of their meal, and ask how everything is, THIS is the point i wish someone would register their review. if they did i could really show them what we’re about. that’s the point at which i can help their experience change. an online review gives me no opportunity like that.” this is so deeply thought provoking. writing a review out of our satisfaction or lack there of is so much easier than engaging with the people, in person, who are shaping our experiences. it’s vulnerable to say we aren’t really pleased. sometimes it’s equally vulnerable to say that the taste of the entree blew us away, the depth of the roast warmed us, or the feeling of the created space brought us deep peace. people might look at us funny. they might not know what to do or say. especially if we’re disappointed, we may be met with defensive annoyance or outright frustration. and yet, isn’t this what experience is about? taking risks and engaging in life in real and embodied ways. 

i would not give a favorable review of the fried crickets i ate in thailand nor would i suggest that someone wanting a live-food based breakfast eat at the amazing local greasy spoon. i don’t choose hotels by the same guidelines as some of my more camping happy peers do. i don’t look to action film lovers for entertainment advice. even still, there’s something to be said for stretching myself into spaces i don’t normally inhabit. trying a restaurant that i would never imagine frequenting. listening to music or watching a movie that is completely out of my genre. going where the locals go rather than where the tourist books suggest. i would encourage everyone who visits thailand to try fried crickets. even though i hated them.

i would also encourage everyone who is tempted to write a negative review to sit on your words for a few hours (at the minimum). consider your motives. are you really hoping to help others make wise choices or are you wanting to punish someone for a way in which you felt mistreated by them? it’s so much easier to rant into the air than to bring forward respectfully constructed complaints face to face. perhaps consider this now so that the next time an experience begins to sour you might have the opportunity to register your “review” right then, when the situation might be remedy-able, rather than later when no one has the ability to make amends.

a recent tweet in my feed read, “remember that the review you’re reading on yelp was written by a person who writes reviews on yelp.” (@andylassner) this is my hope in writing this post. that we would all remember as we read, write, and/or consider the constant flood of evaluative comments rolling before our eyes that we are all human. we all do amazing things and stupid things, have successes and failures. and we all hope for grace amidst them all. 




p.s. if you’re ever in kansas city, visit the brick. if you don’t feel adventurous enough to let sheri or her fine staff bring you what they think, no know, you’ll love, then order the veggie burger with roasted garlic goat cheese and grilled portabellas with sweet potato fries and an kansas city brewed ipa. also well worth a visit in k.c. are eden’s alley and chai shai. the handwritten chalkboard sign outside of chai shai claimed they serve the best samosas in the world and, right now, i am inclined to agree. in bolivar missouri, make sure and check out the main street for amazing mediterranian fare (and tell zach c i sent you) and el rodeo for the most melty cheese enchilada imaginable.

movement making (hands free friday)


the word “movement” is a noun which is defined as both: 1) an act of changing physical location or position, and 2) a group of people working together to advance their shared political, social, or artistic ideas. i don’t know about you, but i’d like to motivate such changes and work. at the talks i give i am frequently asked how i expect to make even a small impact on humanity’s technology use when the tendency toward over-use is so culturally normalized and rewarded. for years i have attempted to answer this question in two ways: 1) by accepting every invitation possible to engage this topic in meaningful ways, and 2) by attempting to live a life that is boldly counter cultural and to live it in a way that might inspire others to do the same. 

recently i did an experiment in an airport. i chose to leave both my phone and computer in my backpack during the entire length of my three hour lay over. i further decided to take every opportunity i could find to simply look up and around and make eye contact when possible. what i noticed was interesting. i felt almost self conscious not adopting the new shared posture of cell phone gazing...head down, hands together, holding said object about 12 inches from the face, scrolling/swiping/typing. when i found others without phones they were frequently reading or talking with a travel partner. much of the time, however, was silent. over two thirds (trust me, i counted) of the people at the gate had headphones in and almost half had both cell phones and computers open. both customers in line in front of me at the bookstore completed their entire transactions without ever stopping their phone conversations. eye contact was rare and smiling rarer still.

i’ve carried out similar small experiments over the past several years. each and every time i learn something about myself and, often, about the people with whom i am sharing space. over all i notice a lot less action and a lot more isolation. less looking up and more occupied hands. less opportunity for noticing anything that isn’t on the screen. even in groups, people are transported away, listening to their own soundtrack or carrying on conversations via voice or text with people not physically present.

so i’d like to start a movement. one that gets us thinking about our physical locations and positions and one that gets us working together to advance a shared idea. the idea? that moderating our technology use in order to make our selves, our relationships, and our brains healthier and more complex is possible. not only possible, but fun. it might mean re-discovering a talent you’ve forgotten you had. do you know how to “fly” bottle caps or juggle or sketch? have you maintained your ability to write in cursive or to play cat’s cradle? can you cook by taste and feel without looking up a recipe online? when was the last time you let your hands run over brick, polished wood, stones, the dirt? or it might mean learning something new altogether.

i recently tried to keep my phone in my hand during a texas waltz lesson with my nephew. i wanted to take pictures to record the experience. unfortunately, i got far less out of the lesson than i would have had i simply been present to it. i’d have more than (terrible) photos, i’d have skills i’d truly learned (it’s hard to move and take photos). how many times has this been true for me? similarly, how many times have i stuffed ear buds in my ears and missed out on time to hear the sounds around me or to think thoughts that come from my own mind rather than from words issuing forth from my phone? i want movement from these habits. for myself.

and so i introduce you to the way i am creating that movement and i invite you to join in and to invite your friends. today i launch “hands free friday” on facebook, instagram, and twitter. you can find the facebook campaign/event here: http://www.facebook.com/handsfreefriday, the instagram page at handsfreefriday and i will be tweeting about it on my twitter feed (doreendodgenm) with #handsfreefriday. 

the basic idea is to come up with something that you can engage yourself with/in that requires you to have your hands free of your phone. this could be a small task/activity or a lingering experience. challenge yourself to really notice what it feels like to be free of screens for the time and to notice how others engage you or not. perhaps you can gather some friends and coworkers and challenge each other to spend part of the day without your phones or to pull off a fun stunt that you could never do with a digital device in your hands. how about an office egg and spoon race or finger painting with pudding? there are hosts of stretches you can only do with partners and playing catch is fun for folks of all ages. what about a meal out where everyone stacks their phones, face down, in the center of the table for the entire evening?

ideally i’d love to encourage you to write about your experience. it doesn’t need to be long or detailed. for example, i’ve been doing a cartwheel challenge where i try to do cartwheels in as many unusual locations as possible and keep track. i don’t write a lot, just where and when each cartwheel was executed. there’s something about taking pen to paper and acknowledging an experience. later, if and as you’d like, tweet or comment on the facebook page about what you’ve done by way of encouraging others to consider a few moments or more without their phones. if you have a friend present who has a phone/camera, see if they might take a photo of you to post later on instagram or facebook. the goal, however, isn’t to post...it’s to experience. posting just might serve as a way of honoring your personal challenge and inspiring others. 

i would like move and to invite you to do the same. move. toward new postures of openness. toward new ways of moderating. toward new ways of experiencing our hands  and how things feel and the world around us. join me, will you? and pass it on...


twitter: doreendodgenm  #handsfreefriday

instagram:  handsfreefriday

digital concierge


every car i’ve ever owned has come to be mine based upon two criteria: 1) the best safety record for lowest price and 2) the number of people and things i’ve hoped to haul. in the past 12 years this has translated into me driving a very generic vehicle capable of safely carrying my children and their friends and lots and lots of stuff. now that my kids are launched and the car i’ve transported them in is coming to the end of it’s safe and repair free life, it’s time for a different car. and so, i’ve been car shopping. since this is a task that i particularly dread and despise, i’ve been conducting most of my shopping and research online.  

tonight, when looking for information regarding an international crisis, i noticed that the very car i’ve been leaning toward was advertised on two of the international news sites i visited. at first i thought, “this must be a sign.” and then i thought, “this isn’t a sign but it IS an indication that this must be a sought after (therefore, solid) choice.” and then i realized, this was neither a sign nor an indication of quality. it was, instead, a response to my recent keyboard strikes. even i, an outspoken advocate for awareness around the power of technology, media, and advertising to unconsciously shape our preferences, fell prey to today’s sophisticated marketing tactics. these ads, which i quickly labeled reliable sources of data for my decision making, were not put on my screen by consumer advocacy groups who have my driving safety in mind. instead, they appeared based upon data collection and the algorithms that result from every keyboard strike i make.

the entire car shopping experience has led me to notice how many times specific items i’ve looked at online show up in the ad spaces of the sites i frequent. who knew that the very dress i’d considered purchasing was “popular” enough to show up on the bbc’s home page? it’s interesting that coupons for products i have sitting in my digital carts for more than a week begin showing up in my inbox and in ad spaces on my screens. it’s amazing how perfectly tailored to me my entire online experience has become. i hardly have to work anymore. music sites suggest entire stations based upon my listening history, push notifications make it possible for special deals to be texted to me as i walk by the very stores i’ve frequented in the past, and my preferred online news source feeds me the “tech” news at the top of the screen. netflix and hulu provide me a never ending list of movies and television shows that are “just like” the ones i’ve already watched. 

given the increased time i spend in screen based spaces, all of this personalization creates room in me for a problem of significant proportion.

my devices’ abilities to constantly cater to my own interests leaves me at risk of becoming a self absorbed, myopic loner. this risk increases if i become: 1) excessive in my technology use, 2) ignorant of my own internal process, and/or 3) withdrawn from opportunities to engage in meaningful relationships with people, ideas, and places that are different from those i naturally gravitate toward. sadly, who among us doesn’t fit in one of those three categories?

as humans we have propensities to migrate toward the familiar, to look for validation, and to seek comfort in the spaces we inhabit. there are few things more comforting than clicking “play” on a movie you’ll likely get predictably lost in or being validated for a purchase you’re considering. 

this constant cozy and familiar reality, however,  begs the question: what is the result of a life lived only comfortably? what is the developmental effect of validation that is built upon one’s own preferences and history rather than on standards of health, discernment, integration, and complexity in all its best forms? basically, i want to know how my emotional, intellectual, and even physical health will be impacted by living in relationship to devices that keep me comfortable and “safe” by providing a constant concierge service based entirely upon my own limited experiences and preferences?

i am spending today being aware of how skewed my tehcnological experiences have become. my favorite news source just emailed me an article similar to one i read there yesterday. my maps app accurately guesses half typed addresses based on where i’ve been recently. in advance of a trip i’ve purchased airfare for, hotels are offering me deals based on past stays. music apps suggest bands similar to those i listen to currently. all the while i experience the reality that i can have it my way, all day, without even having to ask. no wonder the embodied world i live in, with it’s real people who can’t read my mind or who chose not to cater to my preferences, feels difficult and stretching at times. 

and so, i’m ignoring the reinforcing ads on my screen and heading to a car dealership to talk to a real (flawed) person as a real (flawed, impatient, hesitant to want to encounter car sales people) person. there i will get information about a car which i will ultimately chose or dismiss based upon a complex formula of feeling to quality to safety to how easily my feet reach the pedals because, while shopping online is certainly more convenient, it provides far fewer opportunities to grow. 

what do we mean when we say what we say?


i say things without thinking all the time. not long ago, i was sleepless for several nights, angry with myself over a stupid and capricious remark i made in front of an audience of several hundred. this was not the first time this occurred. i don’t need a large audience, however, to make verbal blunders. i make them a lot. it’s part of being a relational risk taker to sometimes say the exact wrong thing. this means that i am well versed in the language of “i’m sorry.” in fact, it’s the first phrase i learn in a new language. i expect myself to make mistakes and i expect myself to own them.

recently i’ve been noticing an entirely new category of verbal mis-steps. i cringe when i hear these common sayings come out of my mouth and then wish, with an urgency that is hard to describe, that i could take them back now and every other time i have uttered them. they sound benign enough, sometimes even sensical. upon real consideration, however, they decry a propensity to interact with the world as though i am its center and display a kind of “me vs. them” thinking.

this hit me full force when i recently heard myself beginning to say “there but by the grace of God go i.” i got all the way to the word “grace” when i realized that to complete this phrase would be to infer that i must be the recipient of a certain grace that someone else has not been given since she was in a situation that i was not. i do not believe this to be true. i believe in one kind of grace when it comes to God and no one gets more or less of it. we all just get all of it. while i believe this to my core, i found myself lazily using words that express something else altogether.

i fear that i might do this more than i even realize. 

i have caught myself referring to someone as “strong” when i’ve really meant “powerful.” when i’ve done this i have passively inferred that the counter-part to this someone is “weak” when i really meant “over-powered” or “oppressed.” i have heard myself say “don’t worry about it” when i actually mean, “it was my pleasure to invest in you.” i have said “it’s no big deal” when it was one and “i’m fine” when i’m not. in reality, these are lies i tell you to keep your opinion of me in check. in ways large and small i have inferred that my interpretation is the only interpretation and i have made little space to find out that i am wrong. i have assumed that my opinion is your opinion and i have expressed this in ways that communicate a lack of care or concern in the opinion that is distinctly yours. 

i know how miscommunication feels from both sides. even still, i am only in control of what comes out of my own mouth. i am convinced that what i say matters and i want it to matter in all the best and right ways. because of this, i am convinced to be more attentive to the way i use my words. starting now i will do my best to mean what i say, even if i end up looking foolish trying to say it. even if i have to stop myself mid-idea and start over completely. when i am lazy or careless or thoughtless and mis-speak, i will say i’m sorry in every language i can muster because words are powerful and i’d like to use mine to heal and not to hurt.